


flowers in my lungs and warmth in your hands

by honeydukes (sjnsdipity)



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Flower Language, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, kind of, lapslock, verkwan and jicheol if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2017-08-03
Packaged: 2018-12-10 12:53:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11692044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sjnsdipity/pseuds/honeydukes
Summary: seokmin makes a bad decision. suddenly, he realizes that there are flowers in his lungs, and there's warmth in the other boy's hands- he's screwed.ORseokmin and another member start fake dating, and it doesn't turn out like they expect it.





	flowers in my lungs and warmth in your hands

**Author's Note:**

> so this has been in my drafts for forever and all i have to say is sorry if you're reading it

"i don't know about this," jisoo mumbled hesitantly, a frown on his face and arms crossed over his chest. "jeonghan won't confess to you otherwise, hyung," seokmin told him, leaning his shoulder against one of the lockers beside him. "but this just doesn't seem like a good idea... there are so many ways that it could backfire." seokmin only shook his head, both at jisoo's stubbornness and at his words. "it'll be fine, hyung. if you overthink it, it sounds even less appealing. it's only for a few weeks, right? we're done after that."

jisoo was silent for a moment, before he sighed, holding his hand out. "fine. but we  _aren't actually dating._ " smiling a little, seokmin put his hand into the older boy's, twisting his fingers around his. "if they're gonna believe that we're dating," seokmin shrugged at the look he got, "we have to act like we are." jisoo sighed softly, before tugging seokmin toward the cafe where their friends were waiting.

_"WHAT?!"_ most of their friends exclaimed as they entered, hand in hand. "you guys are  _actually_ dating?" hansol cried, his jaw dropped. "since  _when?!"_ seokmin snickered at their confused looks, and jisoo nudged his shoulder softly. "you guys are the ones who kept telling us to date someone," jisoo grumbled. "we took your advice." he sat down in the empty seat next to jihoon, pulling seokmin's hand until he sat down next to him.

"we didn't think  _you two_ would get together!" soonyoung screeched, eyes wide as he stared at them. "and why not? jisoo hyung is a nice guy," seokmin grinned, ignoring the way his fingers were cramping from how hard jisoo was squeezing them. "just a nice guy?" jisoo wondered, pretending to be offended. "i'll say beautiful then, seokmin decided. jisoo laughed along, but seokmin was sure that there were gonna be little red marks from where his fingers were digging into his skin.

glancing around the table as jisoo fed him, seokmin noticed how upset jeonghan looked. he wasn't eating, his arms crossed over his chest and his jaw clenched as he watched them. "that's gross!" seungkwan whined, even as he leaned his head onto hansol's shoulder. "stop acting like a couple, please!" the two of them only laughed at his words, both of them already regretting their choice. they couldn't change it now, though.

for the next two weeks, seokmin and jisoo acted like a couple- going on dates and hanging out with each other even more. they were already friends, but this just brought them closer in the physical sense of things. they did 'couple things' like holding hands, hugging- jisoo even wore his seokmin's clothes a few times. they hadn't ever kissed each other on the lips, but their friends didn't need to know that. as far as they knew and thought, seokmin and jisoo were a real couple. none of them even  _suspected_ that it was fake.

but there was a problem. seokmin would be lying if he said he didn't feel anything toward jisoo. something about the way his hands were always warm, something about the way he would always wrap his arms around seokmin's shoulders instead of his waist, something about his manners- something about  _him_ made seokmin want to date him without it being fake. he couldn't do that, though, they'd made a deal with each other. he was supposed to be helping him get jeonghan to confess, not falling in love with him.

but even before this. he'd always liked jisoo, just a little bit, always felt like the warm feeling in his chest wasn't just a spark of friendship. there had always been something more than that. a little part of seokmin had always wanted to _be with_  jisoo, always wanted to date him. maybe his subconscious told him that fake dating jisoo was a good way to get over it. or a good way to make jisoo fall for him. either way, seokmin's self indulgence has lead to something else.

_this is my fault_ , seokmin thinks to himself, staring down at the sink.  _i shouldn't have suggested this._ he picked up one of the petals out of the sink, knowing what it meant- it meant that he had the hanahaki disease. it meant that he was in a one sided love, and that he would either cough up petals until jisoo loved him back, he got surgery or he died. 

"seokminnie?" jisoo called, knocking on the door. "are you alright?" seokmin swallowed the lump in his throat- probably more fucking flower petals. he crushed all of the flower petals in the sink quickly, washing them down the drain. "i'm fine," he called back, his voice hoarse from coughing. he looked into the irror, plucking a stray flower petal off of his shirt and shoving it into his pocket. 

"we can continue our  _date_ now, right?" jisoo asked. their so called  _date_ was actually just binge watching dramas and eating pizza. "yeah, let's go," seokmin said as he opened the door, thinking about the flower petals. he knew what they were, from the stupid class that all students were forced to take about the hanahaki disease. they were the petals of white striped carnations, meaning rejection or a love that could not be returned.

the second time seokmin coughed up flowers, he was practicing with soonyoung. he'd been doing great, going along with all of his friend's movements- until he fell to his knees in the middle of the song, flower petals tickling the back of his throat. "seokmin!" soonyoung didn't hesitate to drop to his knees next to him, patting his back softly. "it's alright," seokmin tried to say, but flower petals fell past his lips instead, fluttering onto the floor in front of him.

"oh," soonyoung murmured. his hand stopped for a moment, tensing up, before he continued the gentle patting on seokmin's back. the two of them stayed that way for a few minutes, until carnation petals stopped falling from seokmin's mouth. "you can't tell anyone about this," seokmin breathed, his voice raspy. "i'm not going to. i... i went through this too, seokmin." he looked up at soonyoung's face, who pulled a stray flower petal from his cheek. "i was in love with jihoon. i wasn't gonna ruin his relationship with seungcheol hyung, though, so i got the surgery. i..." soonyoung hesitated for a minute, a bitter smile on his face as he rubbed his hands over seokmin's back gently. "i kind of regret it, but i know that it was for the best."

seokmin stared at him for a moment, before pulling him into a hug. it was a little awkward, considering that they were both still crouched on the hard wooden floor, but they made it work. "i'm sorry," seokmin mumbled, clearing his throat. soonyoung wrapped his arms around his shoulders. "i am too." they stayed that way for few more minutes, until soonyoung finally separated himself from seokmin and helped him to his feet. 

"what are you gonna do?" soonyoung asked, staring at the flower petals on the ground. seokmin frowned, and it was enough for soonyoung to give him another hug. "i... jisoo hyung doesn't love me back. that much is clear. he's been in love with jeonghan hyung since forever, but neither of them have confessed to each other- fuck, that's why we started fake dating in the first place." soonyoung laid his chin on seokmin's shoulder with a sigh. "that makes it so much more complicated. it's not like you can just avoid him." they were silent, before seokmin cleared his throat again. "i'll... i'll fix it, hyung. just don't tell anyone." seokmin never noticed the single violet petal fall from soonyoung's lips and onto the ground.

but for the next two weeks, seokmin hadn't done anything to fix it. he kept coughing up flower petals when no one else was around- or at least when  _he_ thought no one else was around. that being said, everyone aside from jeonghan and jisoo had come to find out about his condition, and all of them wanted him to get the surgery. he was suffering even more, being around jisoo every day. he'd started coughing up more and more flower petals, until it was actually like throwing them up with how many came.

"seokmin, please," seungcheol begged, rubbing his back. "you need to get the surgery." seokmin shook his head, crushing a flower petal in between his fingers. "i can't," he croaked out as jihoon came back with a water bottle. "this is hurting you," jihoon snapped, watching him gulp down the water. "i... i don't want to lose my feelings for him. it won't be the same after that," seokmin tried to explain.

"it won't be the same with any of you. we've been friends for so long... this has just been building up for that time, and i don't think i'm ready to lose it." jihoon let out a soft breath, almost angrily. "but you're going to die if you don't," seungcheol whispered, and all of them could hear the pure and raw fear in his voice. "i'm not gonna let it get that far, hyung."

* * *

"why the hell did you let it get this far?!" jeonghan exclaimed, running his hands through his hair. seokmin looked down at the floor, brushing a carnation petal from his lap. "who is it, seokmin? do they know about your feelings?" seokmin laughed at the irony, but sounded bitter to both of their ears. seokmin and jisoo had ' _broken up_ , earlier that day, and he knew that jisoo had already confessed his feelings to jeonghan. they'd invited seokmin over for dinner to celebrate, but jisoo had left to get snacks for the movie.

"no, hyung. he doesn't know and i'm not gonna tell him. just- don't tell anyone about this, alright?" seokmin stood up, his knees buckling, and jeonghan caught him before he fell to the floor. "you're suffering!" jeonghan growled, and seokmin shoved him away. "fuck, it's jisoo hyung!"

jeonghan was quiet, recoiling like seokmin had hit him. "what?" he muttered, and he barely heard the word. "i'm in love with jisoo hyung. it doesn't matter, though, because he loves you. i've been throwing up flowers for a  _month_ , hyung," he confessed, falling back onto the couch. "it's only getting worse." seokmin rubbed his hand over the back of his neck, and neither of them noticed the door open. "you're dying then," jeonghan mumbled, sounding guilty, apologetic, and angry at the same time. "i-"

" _what?_ " their heads snapped over to the door, just as jisoo dropped the bags in his hands. "you're dying?" seokmin put his head in his hands, his shoulders trembling. "no," he said, but just looking at jisoo was making his throat tickle. "seokmin..." jisoo whispered, noticing the flower petals on the floor. "do you have the hhannahaki disease?" seokmin closed his eyes. hearing the words from jisoo's mouth just made it so much worse- it made him  _finally_ realize that he had a real chance of death. "yes." he answered, and then he started coughing.

seokmin slipped from the couch, his knees hitting the floor with a loud crack. he faintly recognized that jisoo was rushing over to him, but he was focused on the burning in his throat. tears welled up in his eyes, the taste of iron filled his mouth, and seokmin wanted nothing more than for  _someone_ to love him. it felt like his lungs had been filled with thorns, and looking down, he realizes that he's throwing up full roses. no more single petals, no more carnations- he was done for. "no," he choked out. "no, wait-" there was blood on the flowers. jeonghan and jisoo dropped down on either side of him, both of them panicking. "call soonyoung hyung," seokmin said, and then his eyes slipped closed.

when he woke up, he was in a hospital bed, a needle sticking out of his arm, and a hand in hers. jisoo was in a chair beside the bed, asleep, and there were roses on the table. "hyung," seokmin said, pulling his hand from the other boy's, and jisoo woke up. "can you get those out, please? i don't... i don't want them right now." jisoo stared for a moment, before standing up and grabbing the vase, taking the roses out of the room. he sat back down in his chair when he was done.

"i'm sorry," he whispered after a moment. "i didn't know. i really didn't know." seokmin shrugged, looking up at the ceiling as he cleared his throat. he noticed jisoo flinch at the sound. "it's okay," seokmin said, but started coughing again. jisoo panicked, and seokmin shook his head as the older boy reached for the panic button beside the bed. "they didn't do the surgery?" seokmin asked. he crushed the rose in his hand, dropping it to the ground. 

"seungcheol and jihoon said that you told them you weren't ready yet." jisoo handed him a bottle of water, and he took it, drinking it gratefully. "why didn't you tell me?" seokmin sighed, his chest hurting still. "i couldn't tell you, hyung. you're in love with jeonghan hyung and he's in love with you. i... i didn't want to tell you because you're selfless," he explained. "i might not have been ready before, but i'm ready now."

he was lying, and they both knew it. he wasn't ready to completely lose him feelings for jisoo, and change the relationships between the group. he didn't want jeonghan and jisoo to feel guilty, and he didn't want to be awkward around them- but not dying was  _definitely_ more important. 

"seokmin..." jisoo trailed off, standing up and folding his hands in front of him. "i'm so sorry that i can't love you like you love me." seokmin gave a bittersweet smile, trying to ignore the tears welling up in his eyes. "it's okay." his voice cracked, so he tried again, stronger this time. "it's okay." 

seokmin got the surgery. he woke up two days later, a small scar on hisback that was already mainly healed. he felt different. When jisoo walked into his room, he felt empty. his heart didn't flutter, he didn't want to get up and hug him, and he didn't really want to see him, either. he felt bad. he felt bad because of everything that he'd put jisoo through, making him feel guilty that he couldn't love him back. despite that, he'd been forced to talk to jisoo and jeonghan, because of some pushing done by soonyoung.

they found a way to work it out, and if he was being honest, seokmin felt even closer to jisoo than before. they were best friends, brothers, and it would stay that way. he was happy that jisoo and jeonghan were together, because it meant that jisoo would be loved, even if it wasn't by him. he wasn't used to not feeling anything around him, but he would get used to it.

seokmin was released from the hospital a few days later, but soonyoung insisted on staying at his apartment with him. seokmin knew that he was just worried, but it made him feel like he had burdened soonyoung. soonyoung, who clearly wasn't thinking about it when he decided to stay with seokmin, not thinking about the consequences of being around him so much.

"soonyoung hyung," seokmin mumbled, staring down and into soonyoung's hands. "i'm sorry," soonyoung proceeded to cry, letting go of what he was holding and wrapping his arms around seokmin's shoulders, sobbing into the side of his neck. "i didn't want to- to worry you! i thought i could deal with it again, i really did, but i can't! i'll leave if you want me to, seokminnie, i'm so sorry!" seokmin shook his head with a little smile, wrapping his arms around soonyoung's stomach.

"they'll go away," seokmin mumbled into his ear, grinding a violet petal between his fingers. "what? what do you mean?" soonyoung questioned, still sniffling. "they're for me, aren't they? i love violets." soonyoung's breathing hitched for a moment, his grip around seokmin's shoulders tightening. "you don't have to get the surgery again, hyung. they'll go away on their own."

seokmin felt soonyoung smile against his neck, and for the first time since the surgery, he could say that he was genuinely happy.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed this mess of a fic and thank you for reading, please leave feedback bc i'm needy :)


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